Been doing a lot of dreaming lately, not true REM sleep dreams, but more edge of awake dreams. And they have not been pleasant ones. Not nightmares, I'm not running and screaming in horror. But in each dream me, or someone who I thing represents me dies.
On Tuesday night, I dreamed I was riding on a subway train, my beloved Blue Line and the train crashed. I was crushed in metal, and told the firemen and rescuers to attend to the other injured people and let me die. A total stranger held my already cold hand, and let me talk until I drifted into unconsciousness. I felt an amazing piece as I died, free of the constant pain that rules my life. It felt great. Just amazingly great! I was sad when I opened my eyes and realized it was just a dream.
Went to get my pre operation physical today. Got to the doctors office just about ten minutes early. Surgery is set for Monday the 22nd at 10:30 am. Well I have to get there at 10:30 surgery will not be until around 11:30am. I was so tired this morning that I left here early because I was concerned that I would fall asleep and sleep through my appointment.
The nurse was fascinated by my being a pagan. She told me all about how when she bought her home in Somerville she had a witch com in to the house and cleanse it of negative energy. So we had something to bond over.
When I came home, still tired I went back down for a nap. It was a good nap, three hours where I really slept. And, had more death dreams. In the first dream I was sitting on a dock fishing surrounded by sharks. I was just calmly waiting for one of the sharks to jump up and get me. The dream ended just as one of the sharks opened it's jaws to take me in. The last thing I saw was the jaws. Then it all went dark. I was happy so happy to have my life end.
Then still in the dream I woke up in a hospital bed. But I was not in the hospital I was at my grandmother's old house. In the little room she slept in after my sister and her family moved in. I was watching television, a news report on my earlier death. Watching a news report meant I had not died and that made me sad.
I was then ordered to go outside and bring in a bunch of laptops and electrical cords. The cords were the brown low insulation indoor use only cords. And the laptops were all dead due to being rained on. So no low level electrical charge death for me. That bummed me out some more.
Now dreaming of death can mean many things. It can be preparing the dreamer for their own coming death. Or just the removal of something, saying that is causing them pain. Say for example; you dream of the death of a former lover. If you feel relief at the death it could mean your a finally over them. Here is a great web page that describes it better than I ever could dreams of death
I have dreamed of death, of meeting dead relatives in the past. Just after my uncle died I dreamed he was sitting on a representation of my grandmothers back porch (yes her house shows up a lot in my dreams) I was telling him how much everyone missed him. He wanted to tell me that he was happier there than he had ever been when he was alive. Then a representation of my Aunt Vicki appeared. She sat me down and told me that she and I had something in common, and that I should have my recurring pain checked by a doctor, and to tell him that lupus ran in my family. I did at the time have what I thought was either exhaustion from stress or the flu that never ended. I went to my doctor the next week and asked him to test for lupus. The test came back positive.
I also dreamed of death just a few days before my beloved grandmother died. In that dream my Grandfather Pete showed up and was visiting me in this house. During the visit my grandmother Mary rolled in the front door. She did not speak, but bounced around the house. Finally settling on the electric organ she had given me the year I got divorced.
Some day I am going to get that organ fixed. Some day.
She rested on the organ for a bit and it started to play. The bellows motor is broken and short circuits when ever you plug it in. It's a bit of a fire hazard. Anyway, she started playing the organ, and my grandfather went over to the organ and sat on the bench with her. I listened to the organ play until they both turned to a mist and floated away. The next day my father called me to tell me she had died during the night. I kind of knew that had happened because of her visit.